As strenuous as
caregiving may be, ultimately, it’s a gift—to the one you’re caring for, of course, but also for yourself. Not only does it allow you additional, intimate time with someone in need (and often someone you love), but it also fosters strength and compassion—qualities of character that will see you through even the most tumultuous of times.
And yet, caregiving often arrives with a certain amount of irony: The more you care for another—whether it’s your partner, parent, child, sibling, or another—the more your own health can falter.
Indeed, in 2019, the World Health Organization began identifying “burnout” as an occupational phenomenon. It’s chiefly characterized by feelings of depletion—and it moves well beyond the sphere of a traditional jobsite or office, affecting a large percentage of the 65-plus million Americans who are caregivers for a loved one with a disability or chronic illness.
Fortunately, there are a host of strategies to avoid caregiver burnout and ensure your own well-being doesn’t fall to the wayside.
What are the symptoms of caregiver burnout?
If your days are not just marked but also designed by and for the needs of another, it may be difficult to pause long enough to consider how
you are feeling.
In fact,
burnout tends to creep up on a caregiver, alerting itself in a sudden bout of inexplicable anger, or in the inability to muster enough energy to sit down for a balanced dinner.
These are vital signs you’re starting to collapse from the physical, mental and psychological weight of your duties—pragmatic responsibilities, certainly, but also those of the mind and heart.
In addition, symptoms of caregiver burnout can include:
- feeling exhausted, even if you are managing to get adequate sleep most or every night
- migraines
- losing interest in activities that used to bring you joy
- feeling depressed, anxious, or irritable—or all three
- social isolation/avoiding friends and family members
- weight gain or loss
- neglecting to maintain your well-being, which oftentimes appears as adopting poor eating habits, not receiving enough exercise, sleep disturbances, or disregarding your appearance and/or hygiene
- substance abuse
- feeling physically fatigued
The Cleveland Clinic also notes that caregiver burnout can manifest as wanting to hurt yourself or the person you’re caring for, as well as a tendency to get sick more often—an infallible sign that your own immunity has taken a toll.
What causes caregiver burnout?
Caregiving frequently involves a level of care and supervision that can test even the most skilled and patient among us. Some caregivers may have to administer medications or shots; others may be dealing with a disease, such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, that can grow more and more challenging as the illness progresses.
Furthermore, caregiver burnout occurs for the following reasons:
Change in dynamics
Taking care of a parent—a person who has looked after
you for most of your life—can be startling and disorienting. Ditto for a spouse or partner, or an older sibling. Caring for a sick child is another matter entirely, as it understandably evokes feelings of heartbreak. At the same time, your own role can shift dramatically within the other person’s life, and create an uncertain, even fraught, dynamic for both parties.
Improbable beliefs and perceptions
Unrealistic expectations can crush a caregiver if he or she isn’t aware of the illusion she’s assumed. Blame Florence Nightingale, as caregivers are often portrayed as spirited, gracious and cheerful when, in fact, caregiving can often leave a caregiver spent, unwell and resentful—and they frequently feel guilty for it.
Moreover, some caregivers may operate under the notion their hard work will pay off with, say, a diagnosis of remission, or a complete comeback. When reality fails to match their expectations, a general sense of upset, as well as shame and hopelessness, may begin to fester.
Lack of time, energy and resources
Every caregiving situation is unique, and yet the demands of the role cannot be overstated. From feeding times and assistance with bathing to driving to doctor’s appointments and filling prescriptions, it can be as arduous and time-consuming as caring for a newborn.
What’s more, many caregivers are also balancing—or attempting to balance—other obligations, including work, family, and preserving a household. The stress of this is often compounded when one is the sole caregiver, or money is tight, or the caregiver is starting to face their own health crisis.
7 tips to avoid caregiver burnout
1. Carve out time for yourself—every, single, day
You may have a superhero belief in your capacity to handle the requirements and complexities of caregiving. This is an admirable trait, but it’s also idealistic and impractical. If your day is dedicated solely to caring for another, your own health—and sanity—will begin to slip, and sometimes in a dramatic, unforeseen way.
To this end, firehose your belief that you must be always by your loved one’s side and schedule solitude in your schedule. It doesn’t have to be long or spent in any specific manner. Simply having the option to meditate, garden, enjoy a cup of coffee, read, or just flop on the sofa is fundamental to your well-being. If you feel refreshed and in tune with yourself, you’ll not only be able to offer better care for your loved one, but you’ll also have the quiet and space to recognize the signs of burnout—and nip it in the bud accordingly.
2. Accept the heaviness of your situation
We’ve been socially programmed to say we’re “fine”—or, in millennial text speak, “all G”—even when caregiving is a taxing time, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Accept that what you’re going through, and all that you’re doing, is significant. This alone should help diminish the guilt and exhaustion you may be feeling, as you’re essentially giving yourself to permission to go easy on yourself.
3. Practice HALT
HALT is a behavioral strategy that has countless applications. You may be familiar with the acronym; if not, it stands for ensuring you don’t get too:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
It might seem basic, but wellness relies on these fundamentals.
With this in mind, eat a
nourishing meal, as well as snacks, before feeding your loved one—it’ll give you the energy you need.
Keep your anger in check by adhering to #1 on this list, weaving enjoyable activities into your weekly schedule, and prioritizing exercise—even if it’s just a short walk after your loved one has turned in for the night.
Accept help from others, from meal deliveries to errands; call a trusted friend or family member when you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, and join a caregiver’s support group, which offer camaraderie, corroboration and coping techniques.
Lastly,
sleep. Mounting research demonstrates that sound
slumber is the key to resilience, longevity and buoyancy.
4. Seek expert help
Those new to caretaking may find the idea of seeking help for themselves when someone else’s health is at stake preposterous.
However, the old adage—“put on your oxygen mask first”—couldn’t be truer in caregiving situations. In other words, it’s straight-up essential. You cannot sustain providing care and attention for your loved one if your own needs are left unmet.
If you’re caring for someone full-time, enlist the help of others so you’re free to pursue professional assistance. A licensed family therapist or social worker, for example, can help you navigate the thorny emotions that may be plaguing you; a lawyer can help you sort out the complexities of end-0f-life paperwork, and a financial adviser can assist you with medical bills. Assuming all of these roles entirely on your own will only exacerbate burnout and, perhaps, lead to dire mistakes.
5. Delegate responsibilities
One of the biggest misconceptions in caring for a spouse, partner, child or parent is believing that you—and you alone—are responsible for every one of the intricacies and demands involved with caretaking.
Not only is this hubristic, but it’s also impossible. Caring for someone 24/7 will come at an enormous expense—and it’s almost always the caregiver themselves who will pay the highest price.
What’s more, particularly when it comes to progressive or terminal diseases, it’s important to remember that you aren’t the only one experiencing sorrow for a person’s illness; that others will want to spend time with the person you’re tending to, and, if that is out of the question, to assist from afar.
Ask your children to step up, or for your sister-in-law to fly out for a long weekend. Call your “patient’s” best friend and suggest they spend an afternoon with your loved one. Accept your neighbor’s offer to sit with them for a few hours while you grocery shop or get a pedicure, or say yes when your niece offers to do your laundry. Chances are, the people around you will be glad, if not wholly eager, to help.
6. Research available resources
Numerous programs are in place to safeguard caregivers from burnout.
If you’re caretaking a person with Alzheimer’s, for example, your community will likely have an Adult Day Care Center that will provide
you a break and your loved one with social stimulation—all you need to do is Google your area’s Office on Aging to connect with an empathetic worker who will be keen on helping.
If you’re caring for a handicapped child, respite programs can send a skilled aide to your home to look after your child while you nap, tend to your other children, clean—you name it.
Many are under the impression that external help is prohibitively expensive. This isn’t always the case. Free programs abound, while many agencies will be happy to work with you on a payment arrangement or a fee that’s commensurate with your income. Other programs offer grants, awards, and other forms of funding for caregivers; actor Seth Rogen’s nonprofit,
HFC, for example, supplies online support groups, information, respite and financial assistance for those caregiving a loved one with Alzheimer’s.
The point is to be proactive and objective—these programs exist for a
reason.
7. Put the fun back into dysfunctionala
Caretaking is often serious business—but it doesn’t have to be, at least not 100% of the time.
It can be difficult to remember that the person you’re caring for is separate from—and so much more than—their illness, injury, or disability. At the same time, caretaking can throw a slew of issues into disarray, from the cleanliness of your home to the state of your hair.
One of the only surefire ways to survive this is to find the humor in it all; to continue searching for the silver lining, day after day, and to celebrate not only the person you’re caring for but life, with all its beauties, absurdities, mishaps and miracles, itself.
Because in the end, it won’t be the dailiness and demands of caretaking that will occur to you when it comes to its conclusion. It will be the love you extended and the laughs you shared—which really is the best medicine.
