The world was taken by complete surprise this March. Retailers closed their doors, offices sent people home and college students returned to their childhood rooms much sooner than expected. For months, families have been living and working together in close quarters, and this togetherness can sometimes be uncomfortable, especially if unhealthy conversations occur.
A New York Times article about quarantine fighting detailed the experiences of students who saw a rise in conflicts in their households. Not accustomed to being around each other and living in close quarters 24/7, family members were far more on edge, anxious and irritable than normal.
We’re all living in a stressful and uncertain period of time, and it’s understandable that some sort of conflict will arise at one point or another. When these conflicts occur, we should take every measure possible to keep conflict under control.
There is an entire section of the CDC’s website dedicated to “Stress and Coping” with COVID-19. In addition to social distancing and wearing a mask, it’s important to address and maintain your mental health as “coping with stress in a healthy way will make you, the people you care about, and your community stronger.”
One of the best ways to ensure that peace is maintained in the household and that a family’s mental health is not adversely affected is to learn how to have healthy conversations. Here are a few tips on how you can do so:
1. Be objective and open-minded
The CDC states that “fear and anxiety can be overwhelming and cause strong emotions.” If you notice things are starting to get out of hand, ask yourself: ‘Why am I arguing? Is this a necessary argument, or am I arguing for the sake of arguing?’ Debating can be a hobby, and as a former member of Mock Trial and Model UN, I get it. However, those kinds of debates are very different from quarantine debates.
Civil discourse is healthy, but overly-emotional screaming matches are not. Civil discourse can be defined as a conversation in which each member of the conversation understands his or her own motives and intends to make their point while also considering and enhancing their understanding of the other person’s position. This is exactly what members of a household should do when conflicts arise.
Consider what you want to accomplish, and try your best to take a step back and think about the situation objectively and rationally. Think about what goals you want to achieve in the conflict and examine whether the current mode of discussion is the best suited to accomplishing them. Try to realize when emotions are running high and a discussion is becoming derailed and losing sight of its mission, and attempt to steer the conversation back onto a more helpful track.
If you take steps to promote healthier discussion in your home, you might be pleasantly surprised at how little cause for conflict there will be in the first place.
2. Know your audience
The CDC states, “everyone reacts differently to stressful situations,” so it is imperative to know how those you’re conversing with are coping with the current environment. Some of the recommended ways to cope with stress are to “take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories,” “take care of your body,” and “connect with your community- or faith-based organizations.”
If your audience is not doing one or any of these things, perhaps you can encourage them to do so. When you communicate these suggestions, be sure to convey that you’re coming from a place of concern for their health and well-being. To avoid your suggestions for improvement being misinterpreted as vindictive criticism, tailor your conversations to your audience and speak in a manner that you know is most likely to be well-received.
3. Know yourself
Finally, and most importantly, you must know yourself; this may seem ambiguous, but it’s actually more straightforward than it sounds.
The CDC states that “taking care of your friends and your family can be a stress reliever, but it should be balanced with care for yourself.” If you’re not coping well, you will know. Some of the most common signs are irregular sleep patterns and eating habits. Don’t dismiss these initially minor physical warning signs as meaningless; they are your body’s way of telling you that something needs to change.
Discuss what is needed to create a healthier environment with the other members of your household, and try to get to the root of the problem. While many are prioritizing the physical health of others, especially that of their older family members, some unknowingly put their own mental health at risk by isolating themselves to an extreme extent and focusing on the virus around the clock.
Pay attention to your mental health, because it has a deep impact on the ways in which you interact with others and on how well you are able to withstand these new and challenging social conditions. Do your part, stay safe, and make sure to take care of your own health as well. No one knows you better than yourself.
For more healthy conversation tips, click here to learn how to be a better listener.