If you feel like the sizzle has gone out of your sex life, at least you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. According to a paper published in BJUI International in 2010, almost two-thirds of females attending a general urology practice reported that they suffered from sexual dysfunction.
Another study, published in the American Cancer Society’s “Sexuality for the Woman With Cancer” report, also found that two thirds of women reported having sexual concerns, broke out the sexual concerns by issues: lack of desire (33%), lack of pleasure in sexual contact (20%), pain with vaginal penetration (15%), problems with arousal (18% to 48%), problems attaining climax (46%) and complete lack of orgasm (15% to 24%). And this is not just a women thing —15% of men lack the desire to have sex regularly.
But this is not meant you need to quietly accept things being bad in bed. For starters, the first prescription drug to enhance women’s sexual drive won regulatory approval last month. The drug, Addyi, manufactured by Sprout Pharmaceuticals, is actually the first drug approved to treat a sputtering libido for either sex. (Viagra helps achieve erections, or treats certain testosterone deficiencies.) While a drug to boost desire is long overdue, medication should still be treated as a last resort, not a first line of defense.
Here are four simple lifestyle changes that can help you recoup that frisky feeling—naturally.
Fair division of household chores
As the publishing world has tapped into, porn for women is photos of men doing housework, cooking, vacuuming and taking out the trash. Research by sociologists at Georgia State University found that heterosexual couples who share childcare duties more equitably (meaning that each partner does somewhere between 40 and 60 percent) are happier in their relationships, fight less frequently and have better sex than couples with less egalitarian arrangements. Men take heed: Sharing chores lessens a women’s fatigue. Feistiness in the bedroom may ensue.
Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication
One of the looming obstacles of sex after menopause is vaginal dryness. It happens to almost every woman, so making lubrication a priority is key. If you a lube newbie—don’t be shy. Many of the sensual, water-based lubricants on the market can actually enhance sex in addition to making it more comfortable. Make sure you choose a lubricant that has no perfumes, coloring, spermicide or flavors added, as these chemicals often contain toxins that not only irritate the delicate genital tissue but also are directly absorbed by the bloodstream.
Exercise
The benefits of exercise—better health, less stress and an improved mood—offer a strong trifecta of support for a flagging sex drive. A 2013 study published in the journal Depression and Anxiety found that women who were taking antidepressants and were experiencing a dulled libido (a common side effect) improved sexual satisfaction by doing three 30-minute sweat sessions per week. Your sex drive is often a reflection of your overall health: Boosting energy by eating well and regular exercise, along with good sleep and mental health, are key ingredients in a healthy sex drive.
Only connect
Sharing a hobby or interest—think hiking, museum going or wine tasting—can strengthen your emotional connection. Feelings of support and mutuality increase desire. A little novelty goes a long way too. In one study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, couples that explored new and exciting activities felt greater satisfaction in their relationships.